Work with me here. I’m a geek.
Anyhow… You’re a criminal in Gotham, a petty criminal at that. You have no real skills other than being someone else’s peon. You’re not the best fighter, and you probably can’t shoot a gun to save your life. You can barely do this criminal thing right. Going up against Batman is an unthinkable scenario because it will probably end with him leaving only three teeth in your mouth. You just so happen to like your teeth and don’t wish to part with them.
But suddenly, you find yourself in a situation where you’re not only face to face with Batman, but you’re also in a position that gives you the upper hand. By some strange twist of fate, you have a gun in Batman’s mouth and a twitchy trigger finger. What do you do?
- A.) Finish him. Sure, Batman’s not going to kill you because that’s not his thing, but he’ll put you in traction for the rest of your life. So, it’s best to get him before he gets you.
- B.) Fatally wound him. See how well he can chase you and break all your bones if you take out his kneecaps and get the hell out of town.
- C.) Put the gun in his mouth and talk about how you’re going to kill him and sell his head to the highest bidder. But not before you have a little “fun” with him—giving him enough time to snatch the gun… with his teeth.
|This is not worthy of comment.|
Lately, I’ve been reading more Batman comics or comics where Batman is heavily featured. And while most of what I’ve read is excellent, in some stories, Batman seems to be more of a lucky asshole because he resides in a town with the world’s stupidest criminals. Gotham PD is the only group that might be stupider than the criminals. Even in the well-written stories, the criminals are still stupid. I’ll give you an example of a well-written story with a stupid criminal. Batman R.I.P.
|Translation: "Bitch, get yo' mind right. I'm the goddamned Batman."|
And it’s not Batman’s fault, neither is it exclusive to him. Other heroes in Gotham deal with the same stupidity day in and day out, and most of them have no freaking super powers. I guess being RICH BITCH could be Batman’s superpower. Sounds legit to me, anyway. It actually might be a pretty sweet setup most of the time. Easy work.
But man, I need a theory on why Gotham has so many dumb criminals in one place. What caused this? Inbreeding? Magic? Nuclear fallout? Aliens? It kind of sucks the joy out of reading Batman sometimes, especially when you have a great story marred with a stupid villain. The only thing worse than the dumb criminals is the “OMG, we got Batman in a pickle we can’t solve. What do we do?” Answer: Superman, the ultimate deus ex machina. J'accuse, Batman. J'accuse!
Yes, I realize that Batman can't lose in the end, but seriously, they can't do any better with these criminals?