Friday, June 10, 2011

You’re a Criminal in Gotham

Work with me here. I’m a geek.

Anyhow… You’re a criminal in Gotham, a petty criminal at that. You have no real skills other than being someone else’s peon. You’re not the best fighter, and you probably can’t shoot a gun to save your life. You can barely do this criminal thing right. Going up against Batman is an unthinkable scenario because it will probably end with him leaving only three teeth in your mouth. You just so happen to like your teeth and don’t wish to part with them.

But suddenly, you find yourself in a situation where you’re not only face to face with Batman, but you’re also in a position that gives you the upper hand. By some strange twist of fate, you have a gun in Batman’s mouth and a twitchy trigger finger. What do you do?
  • A.)   Finish him. Sure, Batman’s not going to kill you because that’s not his thing, but he’ll put you in traction for the rest of your life. So, it’s best to get him before he gets you.
  • B.)    Fatally wound him. See how well he can chase you and break all your bones if you take out his kneecaps and get the hell out of town.
  • C.)    Put the gun in his mouth and talk about how you’re going to kill him and sell his head to the highest bidder. But not before you have a little “fun” with him—giving him enough time to snatch the gun… with his teeth.
If you chose “C,” congratulations, you would be the perfect Gotham denizen.  Unfortunately, this would also mean that you fail at life… wholly.

This is not worthy of comment.
Lately, I’ve been reading more Batman comics or comics where Batman is heavily featured. And while most of what I’ve read is excellent, in some stories, Batman seems to be more of a lucky asshole because he resides in a town with the world’s stupidest criminals. Gotham PD is the only group that might be stupider than the criminals. Even in the well-written stories, the criminals are still stupid.  I’ll give you an example of a well-written story with a stupid criminal. Batman R.I.P.

Translation: "Bitch, get yo' mind right. I'm the goddamned Batman."
Because of course Bruce wouldn’t know NOT to trust a woman named Jezebel Jet (a woman who runs her own country) or do any research on her. I guess Batman has all that detective stuff in his cave for the LOLs. Well, she did know all his secrets and even saw his Batcave. Ordinarily, I'd say that made him stupid. But if Batman took me back to the Batcave and I wasn't part of the Bat family, I would know that certain death was imminent after them panties dropped quick.

And it’s not Batman’s fault, neither is it exclusive to him. Other heroes in Gotham deal with the same stupidity day in and day out, and most of them have no freaking super powers. I guess being RICH BITCH could be Batman’s superpower. Sounds legit to me, anyway. It actually might be a pretty sweet setup most of the time. Easy work.

But man, I need a theory on why Gotham has so many dumb criminals in one place. What caused this? Inbreeding? Magic? Nuclear fallout? Aliens? It kind of sucks the joy out of reading Batman sometimes, especially when you have a great story marred with a stupid villain. The only thing worse than the dumb criminals is the “OMG, we got Batman in a pickle we can’t solve. What do we do?” Answer: Superman, the ultimate deus ex machina. J'accuse, Batman. J'accuse!

Yes, I realize that Batman can't lose in the end, but seriously, they can't do any better with these criminals?

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This blog is a mishmash of thoughts, pictures, and rantings among other things about games I've played, games I will play, and games I am currently playing. From time to time, I may post book reviews that I've written that are about different games and/or game worlds. Feel free to recommend games or add me on the platforms I've listed. I don't do competitive multiplayer much anymore, but I'm always down for some co-op these days. I'm usually DigitalTempest everywhere unless otherwise specified.

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2016 Reading Challenge

2016 Reading Challenge
Tiara has read 6 books toward her goal of 52 books.
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Tiara's bookshelf: currently-reading

The Elfstones Of Shannara
tagged: upcoming-reads, currently-reading, 2016-audiobook-challenge, classi...
Gardens of the Moon
tagged: currently-reading, fantasy, z-narrator-ralph-lister, 2016-audiobook...

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Tiara's bookshelf: read

Deceived
really liked it
Review to come.
tagged: 2016-star-wars-reading-challenge and 2016-audiobook-challenge
The Girl from the Well
liked it
More reviews @ The Bibliosanctum TL;DR Review 2.5 to 3 stars. Not badly written… I’m just disappointed by the squandered potential. I’m going to reread Anna Dressed in Blood to make myself feel better about this Longer Review: T...
tagged: 2016-women-of-genre-fiction-reading, horror, and young-adult
Thirteen Reasons Why
I don't think this quite captures the complexity of bullying and suicide, and some of the issues that Hannah started facing toward the end of the novel really seemed to detract even more from the feelings she was going through by having ...
tagged: young-adult, popsugar-2016-reading-challenge, 2016-audiobook-challe...
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
liked it
Spoiler free review to come.
tagged: 2016-star-wars-reading-challenge
The Phantom of the Opera
really liked it
tagged: classic-horror, classics, audiobook, 2016-audiobook-challenge, horr...

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